REAL sewing

When my son’s school had a school play they told us to send him along in a white tshirt with a tea towel to put on his head.  I’m paying now through the girls’ school, with an extreme crash course in sewing.

I have actually sewn something from a pattern once before, but that was in a white hot fit of indignation that a size 6 ice skating dress could cost one hundred and fifty smackers.  I am lacking the adrenalin this time, and I’ve also gone into something yet again with out checking out what it involves.  Having read the pattern about forty three times now, I’m pretty sure the teacher who gave it to me didn’t either.  That, or she’s particularly sadistic.

I popped up to Spotlight this morning to supplement the bag of polyester I was given with stuff that the pattern actually specifies.  I possibly should have looked up what soutache actually was before hunting through haberdashery and aisles and aisles of craft supplies for it.  If you think I should have asked a staff member, you really haven’t been paying attention to my various personality disorders.  I didn’t find it.  I did find some red ribbon, sparkly felt, and wide gold stuff that should serve as buttons and studs when given the right treatment with scissors and a hot glue gun.  Also batting, which seems ridiculously expensive for what it is, which is compressed fluff.  I think this should get me through The Difficult Bit which is a rather fancy armoured vest.

The pattern said Apply Batting to Wrong Side of Front.  I’m OK with wrong side.  How do you apply batting?  Dr Google tells me you can use spray glue, double sided tape, or basting.  Pushing aside thoughts of pork crackling and lesbian pregnancy, I went with basting.  I got very confused with right sides and wrong sides of fronts and backs and lining and mirror images, but regained confidence with ironing seams.  I discovered why my mother used to curse so freely while sewing costumes as my daughter breathed down my neck while chewing expansively on a Mentos and wondering out loud what on earth I was doing.  Then the Horror asked if there was such a thing as an anti-sewing machine as I held up the vest to realise that the capped sleeve was on back to front.  I resisted showing him the stitch ripper up close.  It was starting to look a lot like a cheap puffa vest, but then I got the Muffet to model it…


and it actually doesn’t look too bad.  Except that I’ve put the OTHER sleeve on back to front as well.  Actually, now that I look at it, possibly the sleeve is completely upside down.  It’ll look a lot better with red ribbon and gold buttons on it.  Heigh ho, only five more to go.